Mum wanted to be with Dad to the end
Even after her
dad was diagnosed with lung cancer,
Carmen Hawkins, 42, says
her parents kept the romantic spark of their 50-year marriage
alive.
When my parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary in March last year, it really was a tribute to a golden romance between my mum Eileen, 76, and Dad Mario, 80. Part Italian, Dad was an incurable romantic and they were cuddling like teenagers well into their retirement. But as they renewed their vows in a blessing at their local church in Barry, near Cardiff, the occasion took a sad turn when dad took ill at the altar.
A former thermal insulating engineer, Dad had been fit and active right up until his 80th birthday, regularly strolling out, hand in hand, with my mum. But at the start of last year, he started wheezing, coughing and losing weight. Tests indicated pleural mesothelioma - a condition affecting the lining of the lung and chest cavity. As his job had involved stripping asbestos before it was known to cause a health risk, he had often joked that he was the "last surviving lagger" after losing several of his former colleagues to asbestosis.
Yet by their anniversary party in March Dad was bed-ridden and we worried we would have to call the party off. Despite that, the vow renewals went ahead and we had a party we would never forget. The next day, however, things took a turn for the worse and Dad was rushed into hospital. An X-ray found a shadow on his lung - a follow-up biopsy confirming our worst fears.
I've read Candis for seven years, and every month wondered
how on earth some people cope. It's as if I lived in a bubble,
always believing cancer was something that happened to other
people.
On 7 May last year the bubble burst for me and my brother Mario,
47, and sister Gina, 50, when the doctor told us Dad had small cell
lung cancer. When it was first suggested, going to the Holme Tower
Marie Curie Hospice in Penarth was a no-no to my dad. But
eventually, the Marie Curie co-ordinator persuaded him to go for a
couple of weeks to get a "little rest" and control the
pain.
Going there to visit was a real eye-opener for me. It's just like a hotel overlooking the sea. For Mum it was a place she could keep a constant vigil by Dad's bedside. For him, it was the first time his pain was under control and he actually started feeling better. But Dad wanted to be at home - and that is when the Marie Curie nurses proved invaluable, visiting in frequent shifts. It was because of this help that Dad was able to be at home with his family when he passed away on 8 June last year. My daughter, Bethan, 8, was able to see him and say goodbye in those last few days. It also meant that Mum was able to have a poignant last moment with Dad. He opened his eyes and looked at my mum, simply saying "I" as though he was about to say "I love you" before taking his last breath and passing away. Mum had got her wish to see him open his eyes one last time.
Over a year later, I'm still amazed by the support we both get from Marie Curie. I just can't praise or thank the staff at the hospice enough for the way they looked after Dad. Even after he died, they helped by providing counselling and held special remembrance services.
This year, I persuaded my workplace to donate to Marie Curie as
part of a Big Tea Party event in June. For me, it's the perfect
way to pay tribute to Dad - and to thank the nurses who worked so
hard to make sure he and Mum had those last romantic moments
together
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