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You are here: Home | Magazine | Holidays/Events | Outstanding Family Awards 2010 | Candis Outstanding Family of the Year Awards 2008 | Overall winner

Overall winner

The Murray Family from Fife, Scotland

In an era when time, patience and compassion seem to come at a premium - the Murray family really are unique. They have devoted their lives to helping the most vulnerable members of society - children who have been separated from their parents and are in need of a loving home.

As well as bringing up three of their own children, over the past 40 years Margaret and her husband, Ian, have adopted two others and have taken in over 60 children on foster placements ranging from one week to 18 years.

They have cared for children from all walks of life, many whose backgrounds mean they are considered 'at risk'. But no matter what their story, the Murray's top priority is to make them feel safe and secure.

"Children come to us for all kinds of reasons, mostly because their parents can't cope, or because they're struggling with problems such as mental health issues or addiction," says Margaret. "But regardless of the reason, when they arrive at our home these children are always scared.

"We've had children who've been moved 27 times before coming to us. How frightening must that be?

"Our 'tactic', is to be as gentle with them as possible. Some of the children might have nits or worms or scabies but we don't make them get in the bath or start dragging a comb through their hair. We show them to their room, let them know we're here to talk if they want to, and let them find their feet. We're simply kind to them and it works amazingly well."

Margaret and Ian took the decision to become foster carers at just 23. As children they grew up in the same block of flats in Edinburgh and married at 16. After having two children, Donna, now 43, and Julie, 41, they decided that, rather than have another baby, they'd welcome a child in need into their home.

"There are so many children out there needing love and attention, and that's what we had to give," says Margaret. "At first we cared for mostly pre-adoption babies, or babies whose mums were having difficulty coping, maybe because they had post-natal depression.

"We took to it straight away and even decided to adopt a brother and sister, Bonnie and Paul, who had come to us on a foster placement."

A few years later the couple added another child of their own, Lisa, now 23, to their brood. This meant that with up to three foster children at any one time the couple were caring for up to eight children at home.

"There was never a dull moment," says Ian. "But Donna and Julie were old enough to help out too. Having these children at home was a great leveller for our girls. They got to see first hand the hardships other people go through and learned all about sharing."
Adds Margaret, "We all had to work together and all the kids mucked in to help out. We had allotted shower times in the mornings and job rotas for chores, everyone did their bit and I think we are a stronger family for it."

In fact the Murrays eldest daughter, Donna, has followed in their footsteps and is now also a foster carer. Inspired by her experiences at home, she and her husband Sid, 49 - who have two children of their own - are currently fostering two disabled children, a boy of 16 with spina bifida and a girl of seven who is deaf.

Middle daughter Julie, who also has two of her own children, always helps Margaret out when she needs a break while youngest daughter Lisa has recently completed a year-long course with Barnardo's to be a respite carer, enabling her to care for foster children when their carers are not at home.

But the Murrays have also faced some serious challenges over the years.

"Almost all of the children who come to us have emotional baggage and it is often hard to get through to them," says Margaret. "Sometimes they can be quite mischievous. I've had a microwave blown up, a game of noughts and crosses scratched into the paintwork on my car - and much worse!"

At present the couple are caring for a boy with challenging behaviour, often requiring Ian to attend school with him. "He finds school a difficult environment to be in," Ian explains. "I accompany him to some of his lessons and as he's bonded with me he finds it easier to behave while I'm there." The Murrays think nothing of taking time out to do such things and have made many adaptations and sacrifices over the years to support their family, like moving into a bigger house to accommodate more children, finding innovative ways to stretch their budget and never enjoying a carefree social life. At an age when most people are looking to retire, Ian and Margaret have just committed to a long-term foster programme with Barnardo's, which means the children will stay with them for years rather than months.

"We're looking forward to it," says Margaret. "People say we should be slowing down at this time in life but what would we want to do that for Fostering keeps us young.
"We were delighted to win the Outstanding Family of the Year Award, but the truth is, we don't consider ourselves outstanding at all. We care for children because we love it. For all the trials and tribulations it brings, the rewards are tenfold. We'll keep fostering for as long as we can - many of these children have no one. If we don't care for them, who will?"