December 2009 - Ask me anything?
"My son's grief is destroying him"
My husband died a
few months ago and, since then, my son seems to have retreated into
a shell. They had always had quite a difficult relationship but in
recent years, as my husband's health deteriorated, I thought
things had improved. My son found it hard seeing his dad like that
and, after he died, he said he was glad that his suffering was
finally over, but since then it's like he's shut down. He
seems so angry all the time, but he won't talk to anyone about
it. Even his wife doesn't seem to be able to get through to
him. I want to help him but I'm trying to deal with my own
grief. What can I do? Diane
DENISE SAYS: I'm so sorry to read about your son and this must add to your own burden. Talking to family and friends can sometimes be difficult because we try to protect them and so hold back, but with a counsellor you can let it all out. CALM (http://www.thecalmzone.net/, 0800 58 58 58) is especially for men under 35 and could help him, as could Cruse (http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/, 0844 477 9400), which is for those who are grieving, whatever their age. Your son may also feel guilty for previous upsets. Guilt without reason often follows bereavement and remembered spats can assume huge proportions. Point out to him the joy his birth brought to his father and how proud he would be of him today. Other than that, all you can do is be watchful and collaborate with his wife to make sure things don't get worse. If you or she are really worried don't hesitate to seek help from his GP but hopefully he will gradually get over the worst of his pain, and realise that his father's deepest wish would be to see you all living happily.
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