January 2009 - Ask me anything

My sister needs help caring for her husband and son

My sister is a full-time carer for her husband, who suffers from multiple sclerosis, and her 23-year-old son, who has autism. She also works as a manager for sheltered housing for pensioners. As her husband's condition worsens at home, things are becoming increasingly hard for her. They have been advised to have an extension built to meet their needs but don't know where to turn next as they don't have enough money to pay for it. She is also the nearest to our 85-year-old housebound mother and does a lot for her. Who can help them? I drive down to help her out every couple of months; I had a nervous breakdown a few years ago and I can see the signs in her.

DeniseDENISE SAYS: You're right, your sister needs support. The MS Trust (01462 476700, www.nmss.org ) and the National Autistic Society (0845 070 4004, http://www.nas.org.uk/) can help, and she should also contact her local carers' association. They'll be in her phone book and will guide her to all sources of help. Age Concern (0800 009 966, www.ageconcern.org.uk ) will make sure your mother has care in her own home, easing the burden on your sister. Dealing with agencies is time-consuming so it would be helpful if you could assist with this. An agency might be able to arrange some respite care, and a day or even half a day off can be a wonderful tonic. Keep in regular touch by phone so she doesn't feel alone, and when you visit, send your sister off on her own to chill.

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