July 2009 - Ask me anything
"I don't want my
sister to date a con"
My sister and her two children are living with me
after she left an abusive relationship. We've all been
encouraging her to enjoy life again but she has become a bit of a
hermit. Now she's struck up a pen-pal friendship with a man in
prison for aggravated burglary. They write regularly and she's
started talking about going to meet him on a prison visit. I know
she's thinking of a relationship as she talks about how
he's misunderstood and needs a second chance. He's due to
be released next year and I'm worried she's going to
replace her abusive ex with this man. How can I make her see that
her choice of men is causing heartache and her little boys deserve
more? She says all I'm worried about is what the neighbours
will say. I don't care about the neighbours. I am worried this
man is just using her. Maria
DENISE SAYS: Your sister is crushed and lonely
and this relationship fills a void in her life. Telling her to drop
it won't work because at the moment it's all she has. Look
at www.ncds.org.uk and see if there's a branch near
you. They offer divorced and separated people friendship. She can
ring their helpline as a start. If she can begin to live again she
may see this pen-friendship for the risky business it is. Point out
that aggravated burglary involves the carrying of an offensive
weapon and suggest she reads press reports of his trial. But the
answer lies more in offering her an alternative than in pointing
out his lack of fitness to give her or her children happiness.
To read more from Denise Robertson please join.
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