July 2009 - Ask me anything

Denise"I don't want my sister to date a con"

My sister and her two children are living with me after she left an abusive relationship. We've all been encouraging her to enjoy life again but she has become a bit of a hermit. Now she's struck up a pen-pal friendship with a man in prison for aggravated burglary. They write regularly and she's started talking about going to meet him on a prison visit. I know she's thinking of a relationship as she talks about how he's misunderstood and needs a second chance. He's due to be released next year and I'm worried she's going to replace her abusive ex with this man. How can I make her see that her choice of men is causing heartache and her little boys deserve more? She says all I'm worried about is what the neighbours will say. I don't care about the neighbours. I am worried this man is just using her. Maria

DENISE SAYS: Your sister is crushed and lonely and this relationship fills a void in her life. Telling her to drop it won't work because at the moment it's all she has. Look at www.ncds.org.uk and see if there's a branch near you. They offer divorced and separated people friendship. She can ring their helpline as a start. If she can begin to live again she may see this pen-friendship for the risky business it is. Point out that aggravated burglary involves the carrying of an offensive weapon and suggest she reads press reports of his trial. But the answer lies more in offering her an alternative than in pointing out his lack of fitness to give her or her children happiness.

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