March 2009 - Ask me anything
"I can't control my teenage daughter's behaviour"
My daughter is 14, and my husband and I are already running into problems. She wants to come and go as she pleases, dress as she likes and sees even the smallest attempt to check up on her as intrusion. According to her, other parents aren't like this; we are old-fashioned and tyrannical and are ruining her life. Her friends, on the other hand, have perfect parents who allow them free rein. She has reduced me to tears more than once and I'm so afraid for her. She doesn't understand what a dangerous world this is and when I point out things in the papers, it just causes another row. Her father says we should ignore it, but the thought of another four years of this before she goes to university is frightening. Michelle
DENISE SAYS: The
answer is compromise, which means you both have to give a little.
Wrapping her in cotton wool until she goes to uni would be a
disaster - she needs to learn how to act responsibly before she
leaves home and it's our duty as parents to teach our young to
fly free safely. Negotiate rules - she can stay out later if you
know where she is, who she's with and when to expect her home.
Turn a blind eye to tarty fashion; she'll soon learn what's
cool and what's cheap. Don't try the "You'll do as
you're told" line, but don't buy the "All the
other mums do" line. Talk to other mums, devise strategies,
share the ferrying about and keep in touch with each other. See her
rebellions as a necessary part of growing up and, above all, enjoy
her growing independence and desire to spread her wings.
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