May 2009 - Ask me anything

"I've run out of patience with my daughter"

I am a single parent of six children aged from three to 19. My son is now at university and my eldest daughter is doing her GCSEs. My problem is my youngest daughter who has all the symptoms of a child with ADHD. I love her but I don't like her very much. She is disruptive with the older children, bullies her other sister and destroys everyone's toys. I put her to bed at about 7pm but she comes back down the stairs about 40 times each evening. I go to bed exhausted and she is still up and running about. She has no interest in anything apart from wrecking things. I've stopped taking her out with me, as she is too disruptive, yet none of my other children were like this. I've tried 'time out' but nothing seems to work. I'm at my wits' end. Please help. Juliette

DeniseDENISE SAYS: Your little girl may have ADHD but I doubt it. I think she's at the bottom of a heap of semi grown-ups who all seem to have more freedom than her and bask in your approval. So she decides that she'll be the naughty one! She tries it and finds that you react. When you're concentrating on her instead of your other children, that means success to her - to you it means a nervous breakdown. The answer is to give her an important role. Make her the centre of attention for good reasons, not bad. When she's naughty, ignore it but pour praise on her new role. Take time to do something with her, just the two of you - on the condition she gets a good night's sleep. It's bribery but if it works, so what? Give her another, better way and my guess is you'll have no more trouble.

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