November 2011 - Ask me anything!
If you've got a problem, resident Candis agony aunt Denise Robertson can help. From money worries to family matters, Denise offers readers her unique brand of caring advice...
I have not been happy in my marriage for years and for the last six have been seeing a married man. But our employer found out, so we parted ways. We agreed not to contact each other but I couldn’t accept it and sent texts saying he didn’t care for me as he let me go so easily. Then he texted that he’d taken some paracetamol. I know it was a threat as he’s said this before, but I’d had enough and after drinking some wine I took 20. He wanted to call an ambulance but I forbade him. He spent 12 hours not knowing if I was dead or alive. He has since turned his back on me. He keeps on about the seriousness of what I did, asking me to apologise. I need help – I can’t bear it. Susan
Denise says:
I feel sorry for you both but I also feel sorry for your partners and the children involved – their world is rocking too. You and your lover have been living in a dream world for years without getting to grips with the situation, which is that you have unhappy marriages. Resorting to tablets was a cry for help. You behaved badly in trying to punish him for the pain you felt but he prompted this by taking tablets first. So his asking you to apologise is therefore misplaced. You both need to wake up to the seriousness of the situation, get help and work out whether or not you can have a life together. This would involve pain for your partners but would be better than the half-life they have now, living with people whose affections lie elsewhere. Please contact Relate (www.relate.org.uk), together or, if he is unwilling, alone. With their help you can begin to unravel this unhappy situation. Your husband deserves a wife who can give him 100 per cent, so find out whether or not there is any mileage left in your marriage. Your lover’s wife deserves fair play too. And before either of you resort to tablets again, think of the consequences for those you might have left behind.
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