September 2011 - Ask me anything!
If you've got a problem, resident Candis agony aunt Denise Robertson can help. From money worries to family matters, Denise offers readers her unique brand of caring advice...
"My daughter keeps telling keeps telling huge fibs"
My four-year-old daughter is a lovely child who adores her nine-year-old brother, but I'm worried she seems addicted to telling lies. I don't just mean little fibs or fairytales - sometimes they're quite serious things like, "Nanny was on the phone and she doesn't want you to come round." She tells her friends things about us that are simply untrue, and it's embarrassing when other mothers congratulate or commiserate with me over something that has never happened. I'm really worried about what will happen when she goes to school. Lydia
DENISE SAYS: Most children lie at some stage and it doesn't mean they're destined for a life of dishonesty. Making things up is a normal part of development and I think they also get a kick out of relaying information - even if it's false - and getting a reaction. Sometimes the lies are a sign of emotional disturbance in a child - "I have a poorly tummy," can really be a cry for help. And other fibs can be a means of getting their own way - the day she told you Nanny didn't want you to visit, was she wanting to go elsewhere? Remember, very small children can't really distinguish between fact and fantasy, so when a child says there's a lion in the wardrobe it's because they think there might be one there. At nearly five, she can begin to tell what's true and what's not. When she fibs, patiently explain that you know what she says isn't true and telling untruths is not good. Try to avoid situations where a child feels they must lie because telling the truth would get them into trouble. If it doesn't clear up, contact Young Minds (0808 802 5544, www.youngminds.org.uk).
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