June 2010 - On the couch
What's the
right age to have a baby?
Three readers share their views on family life, motherhood and
whether they think it's better to have children young or to
wait.
Reader
Profiles
Debbie Hendle, 43
Had her first child when she was 38 and her second at 41. She lives with her husband and their two children, aged 5 and 2, in Northampton.
Melanie Crabb,
44
Candis' very own blogger lives in Barton, North Yorkshire, with
her husband and six of her seven children, who are aged from 22 to
7.
Denise Walker,
57
Lives with her husband and the youngest of her three children in
Sheffield. She had her first child when she was 17 and her third at
32.
What factors affect deciding when to have children?
Debbie: "For me, age was a big factor, as I didn't meet my husband until I was 37 and he was very keen to have children. It'd never been an issue for me as I hadn't been in a situation where having children was discussed before. Given my age, I knew it might not be a possibility and we decided to leave it to nature rather than go down any other route. But I fell pregnant five months after we got married."
Melanie: "You didn't think of having children at a certain age?"
Debbie: "No, not at all. It never came up as my first husband had a vasectomy and then I was on my own. I met my second husband later on; he wanted kids and I wanted a life with him so that's how I came to have them."
Denise: "That's what happened with my husband and myself too. We got married when I was 30 and, as I'd had my eldest, Lee, when I was 17, there was a big gap, but I got pregnant straight away."
Debbie: "I see news stories about women delaying having babies and it being too late, but I didn't see myself as too old."
Melanie: "It depends on what 'too late' means. You could be financially better off if you're older and able to offer a child more. The more secure you are, the less grumpy you are. When you're older, you've more patience. When I look back, I thought I was patient when I was younger, but I definitely didn't have as much patience as I do now."
Debbie: "Physically, it's more tiring. I had far more energy in my 20s; I'm very active now and keep fit, but I'm more tired than younger friends."
Denise: "But you could give yourself to your children. When you're young you can feel like you're missing out."
Melanie: "I think a lot of younger mums drag their kids up because they begrudge them interrupting them getting on with their life."
Debbie: "I'd already had a life.
Clubbing, holidays - I'd done that. I had my career and could
go back, but I don't want to. The closest I get to clubbing now
is Mums and Tots!"
In your opinion
Is it better to have children young? (CLOSED)
Post Your Comment
You must be logged in to submit a comment.
If you are not yet a Candis member and want to find out more about the benefits of joining Candis Magazine...
We're confident that our travel insurance will provide you with peace of mind, allowing you the freedom to sit back, relax and get the most out of your holiday. Whether you're off on a short break or venturing further afield, our policies will keep you covered. Save up to £22.58 with Candis Travel Insurance More
Comments:
"I have been trying for a baby since 27 onwards. I am now 32 and have found out that I will go into the menopause early. Not there yet but there are younger women who have. I am about to go through IVF. I think women with children can easier sit there and say it's mother nature. Yes it is but it's a cruel blow. They will never understand the need for a child. I do agree that women who go onto menopause at a later age should not have fertility treatment. For people around my age and younger i do think we deserve to be a mother if we are decent people. It took a long time to get my head round that fact my ovaries were shrinking. I now think of it as a illness."
Jillian Brewer - Thursday 27th May 2010
"I completely agree Mary, having had children at a young age and then at an 'older' age, there's pros and cons to both. Either way to be a good parent you need as much patience and kindness you can muster up! 5K runs how amazing, I seriously need to start getting fit!"
Melanie Crabb - Monday 17th May 2010
"There's no ideal age. It depends on people's circumstances. I had my son at 18, my daughter at 20. I was still fairly young when my children were grown up and independant. I was also fairly young, 46/48 when my first two grandchildren were born and still had lots of energy to take them swimming and on outings to parks and picnics. Bit less energy, when grandson came along 5 years later, although I still try to do the same things with him. Lately have been doing 5K Fun runs with grandson, and take him hill walking. If I'd been an older mum, I'd have been an older gran."
Mary Brown - Friday 14th May 2010