February 2010 - "Should you stand by your man no matter what?"
Getting married
can raise a gamut of trials and tribulations - especially if one
partner is unfaithful - but, asks TV personality and author
Christine Hamilton, is it ever really possible to forgive and
forget?
Everyone needs a wife, but some of us have to make do with husbands. Despite marriage seeming somewhat old-fashioned, we still get married in droves - or at least, we have a wedding. A good marriage stands the test of time and adversity. Sadly, many seem to regard marriage vows as disposable nappies - handy for now but to be discarded when it gets hard.
It is tough being married for life, but my husband, Neil, and I did not take our vows lightly, and we intend to keep them. We're approaching our 27th anniversary, though we've been living together for rather a lot longer. As well as the normal ups and downs, we have had to face gruelling ordeals, in the full glare of blanket media coverage, which would have split some couples.
Facing the outside world when under siege is bad enough but could I have stood by Neil if he'd deceived and lied to me as Bill Clinton deceived and lied to Hillary or Jeffrey Archer to Mary? Mrs Archer said that sexual fidelity was, "Neither necessary nor sufficient to keep a marriage going", but what about trust and honesty? In a loving partnership, trust simply cannot be overvalued, and should never be taken for granted, but treasured and nurtured. If you destroy trust, then suspicion and resentment take over.
Neil and I have an understanding that enables me to know (or so I think!) when he has indulged in some simple but highly calorific pleasure, never mind a mistress!
Of course we trust each other. But what if he betrayed me with another woman, either once or repeatedly? I can't imagine the horror of such a discovery but some of you will know the agonies, shock, disbelief, tears, sleepless nights, anguish. However much you both might try, life can never be the same again. For the rest of your life there would be a niggling doubt. Can you believe what he says? A man who betrays his wife will betray anyone. If he's done it once he will do it again. How often do we hear these sentiments?
Cheating and infidelity cause deep pain. A once-passionate, loving relationship loses its heart when the partners can no longer relate in a way that is honest and heartfelt. The injured party withdraws to try and protect themselves from emotional pain. One world becomes two. Can marriage, that most intimate relationship, survive the devastating betrayal of trust when the person you trusted with your happiness has squandered it by putting his desires above his commitment to you?
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Comments:
"If the "No matter what" is so bad that the decision whether to stay or not requires consideration then the only sensible thing to do is leave. The incident would only cause you to doubt that you ever knew the person and then lead to distrust."
Susan Griffiths - Thursday 28th Jan 2010