You the jury August 2009 - Given the choice, would you choose the sex of your child?
Should parents have the right to choose whether they
have a son or a daughter or should they leave it up to nature?
Interviews by Elizabeth Openshaw
Yes
Alan Masterton, 50, and his wife Louise, also 50, have four sons,
aged 25, 23, 22, and 18. Their youngest child, Nicole, died from a
tragic accident in 1999 when she was four. The couple tried for
another girl for five years without success. They live near Dundee
with two of their sons.
Having Nicole changed our family for the better. We'd been
desperate for a daughter for so long, we were blown away when we
found out Louise was carrying a girl, as it was a one in ten
chance. Our family was complete when Nicole was born. Then, ten
years ago, while burning leaves in the garden, Nicole appeared from
nowhere and was caught by a flame. We quickly got her into a bath
of freezing water but the damage was done. She suffered 85 per cent
third-degree burns and, after 61 days and 100 hours of surgery, she
died.
No words can describe the pain of losing a child, you just learn to
live with it. There's always someone missing.
About nine months after Nicole's death, we talked about trying
for another girl. I remembered reading about preimplantation
genetic diagnosis (PGD), a sex selection technique. We were still
grieving but at 40, we also knew we couldn't hang around. But
were we doing it for the right reasons? We saw a psychologist who
concluded that what we were looking for was natural, not to replace
Nicole but to have that female dimension back in our family. Louise
had been sterilised so our only option was IVF, where you can't
choose the sex. The Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority
(HFEA) do issue licences for PGD, but we were refused.
We opted for PGD at an Italian clinic. We tried three times over 18
months, costing us £30,000, but all attempts failed. The
mental strain was immense.
Before our case, the HFEA was a closed authority and there was no
debate on sex selection. I believe our fight has opened doors for
others to choose.
Sex selection should be allowed whatever the reason. I can't
see why people shouldn't make that choice if it's right for
them. There's no moral standard to comply with, morals are set
within yourself. We knew what it was like to have a daughter and
the difference it made to our family. We were experienced parents,
able to make a qualified decision. If other couples want to balance
their family, who has the right to decide that's wrong?
No
Sonia Chapman, 42, has four daughters - Eloise, 14, Savannah, 12,
Amelia, 7, and Camilla, 4. Sonia, who co-runs a baby accessories
business (www.jusonne.co.uk), lives in Warwick with her partner,
Stuart, 37.
When pregnant with my fourth child, so many people felt the need to
tell meI must be hoping for a boy. Stuart was constantly ribbed
about being the only man surrounded by girls. Occasionally people
would say, "What are you going to do if you have another
girl?" I felt I was defending the fact I didn't mind, as
long as the baby was healthy.
However, at my 16 week scan, I was desperate to find out the sex.
The sonographer looked at the screen, frowned and said,
"I'm really sorry, it's another girl." I
wasn't sorry at all, I was just relieved everything was
progressing well. When I finally had Camilla, people asked,
'Are you disappointed to have another girl?
'The suggestion that I was missing out by having four daughters
and not three daughters and one son was ridiculous.
At first Stuart hoped for a boy, but we would never have tried to
conceive at a certain time of the month or do anything that could
lead one way or another. We just wanted another child. When Camilla
was born, Stuart was gutted for a bit, but now he wouldn't
change her for the world.
Having children is one of the most natural things in the world. To
try and alter that where there isn't any medical need to do so,
would seem wrong. A child is about the individual, not whether
it's in dresses or shorts, it shouldn't matter what sex it
is.If you choose the sex of a child in the hope it might balance
out your family, how would you feel if things didn't work out?
Far better to let nature take it's course and believe that you
have the baby you have for a reason.
Think of all the women who can't have children and would give
anything for either sex. As far as I'm concerned, there's
no difference between boys and girls, they all have the same
chances and rights nowadays.
I do think fertility technology should be available for families
where there
is a valid medical reason for choosing the sex. But as for choosing
the sex just to fit in with what your idea of a perfect family is -
no. Ultimately, you should be happy with what you have. And if
you're lucky enough to have a healthy child, well, that's
priceless.
Given the choice, would you choose the sex of your child? (CLOSED)
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