20 ways to tell you’re English

It’s St George’s Day on the 23rd of April – and he is, after all, the patron saint of England, due to his dragon-slaying skills. So here’s how to tell if you’re worthy of him.

Celebrations And Flag Flying On St George's Day

You’re English if…

  1. You whisk off your outer layers the moment a weak ray of sun struggles through the clouds, and turn lobster pink because you went in the garden for ten minutes.
  1. The first thing you do after a holiday is ignore the pile of post and fill the kettle.
  1. You’re polite to everybody apart from queue jumpers. Because frankly, shoving in is just unacceptable, regardless of whether a fire has broken out, or they’re giving away free TVs.
  1. You take your own teabags abroad. Come on – that European ‘yellow label’ stuff isn’t tea, it’s a weak joke.
  1. You know that whatever train you have to be on, without fail, will be running late, due to vague, unspecified signalling problems, and you’ll probably miss your crucial job interview – but the announcer will make a joke, and you’ll laugh anyway.
  1. Drawing strangers’ attention to yourself in any way is on a par with strolling naked down the high street. Both are unthinkable.
  1. If anyone says “New York, Paris…” you know the next word is “Peckham”.
  1. There is at least one measurement that you always think of in Imperial.
  1. You know that it’s insane to ask a cab driver what he thinks about the government/celebrities/history/life itself, because you’ll immediately be buried in an avalanche of opinion.
  1. You’re wildly cavalier about crossing the road safely, but you won’t touch anything past its sell-by date.
  1. You know which one is Ant and which one is Dec, and can name their one and only hit record.
  1. You quite want Prince William to be the King, and perhaps we’ll just, you know, skip over Charles.
  1. Your personal heroes include Harry Potter, David Beckham, Richie Benaud and Churchill (at least the War bit.)
  1. You have used the words ‘dodgy’ ‘gutted’ or ‘brass monkeys’ in recent memory.
  1. You can identify 63 types of rain. And you have suitable clothing for all of them.
  1. You feel about the local pub like other nationalities do about their childhood home.
  1. Every dog is a friend you just haven’t met yet.
  1. A good weekend involves a National Trust property, DIY, some mud and a takeaway curry.
  1. You always watch the BBC when it comes to events of national importance. It’s just more… traditional.
  1. You really are quite fond of the Queen. And if she invited you for tea, on balance, you’d definitely go.

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