The big Daddy of food programmes returned this week – and fans everywhere sighed with happiness. Here’s just five of the things we’ve missed…


1.     Gregg’s love of puddings

The bespectacled human egg is a man on mission – apparently, to eat pudding for breakfast, lunch and dinner. “Oof, I could eat all of that,” he’ll boom, destroying some delicate, spun-sugar confection of lemongrass and lavender with his questing spoon. He’s like a starving bull in a patisserie, but that’s alright – because if he doesn’t like a pudding, the contestant’s dreams are pretty much over before they’ve begun.

2.     John’s enormous mouth

The Aussie judge is more measured than his sidekick- being a trained and highly successful chef, he should be. But his trademark move is the un-hinging of his giant mouth, into which he will post a collective forkful of everything on the contestant’s plate. It’s a bit like watching one of the Muppets preparing to sing opera – but it’s all part of the charm.

3.     The trembling contestant

There’s always one perfectionist, who’s sweating with dread before they’re even in their Masterchef apron. They spend the whole first task meticulously placing bits of langoustine at right angles to shreds of sun-dried tomato, then when it’s time to present their dish, they can’t carry it for shaking. “Calm down,” John will say, kindly. But we all know they can’t.

4.     The ‘style over substance’ dish

As night follows day, at least one of the first-round dishes will be ripped apart for being all mouth and no trousers. “It looks good,” Gregg will yell, “But oh dear, what a disappointment.” It always belongs to the contestant who painstakingly watched every previous episode and realised the judges are obsessed with presentation. They just forgot to make it taste nice.

5.     The cocky one

“I know I can win this,” the cocky one always says, as his fellow competitors mutter humbly about it being ‘an honour to be here.’ “I think I’m an amazing chef, yeah. I’m doing saddle of water vole, with a juniper twig crust and samphire coulis, and I know the judges are going to be blown away. Fingers crossed!” He never makes it past round two.

Love Masterchef? Tweet us your favourite contestant so far…

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